gambling
Relapsing is when an individual returns to a habit they thought they put behind them. In life we try different things, sometimes these things become addictions that lead to an unhealthy lifestyle. When an individual is ready to admit to themselves that their actions are a problem, we take measures to not return to the actions that have led to negative consequences in our lives.
Even though we know we don’t want to go back, often times the temptation is so strong that we feel like we don’t have a choice because these actions have been very routine to us. We convince ourselves that we can control it, that we can do it in moderation, that we can do it just once more and be done.
I myself have struggled with addiction. My actions have led to poor health, financial hardship, lying, low self-esteem, extreme anxiety and depression. Simple actions like having some alcoholic beverages to relax, or going to the casino for entertainment are exciting, inviting, and warm at first; however, these actions can very easily become a way of life due to the instant gratification.
Gambling at the casinos has been the most destructive habit in my life. It started out innocently around 2015 with just $5-$20 during a trip (I was betting $0.25-$0.30 a spin). I would win sometimes and lose other times. Eventually, I learned that if I bet more money, I could win more money. Slowly over time, my bets started increasing to a dollar or 2 a spin.
It brought me excitement being in an environment where I didn’t have to think about school or anything else in my life. It was a soothing escape from day to day life. As my trips to casinos increased, I began to bring more and more money, win more and more money, and of course, lose more and more money.
Once you win big there is no reason to walk away because you think you can do it again, and you keep on playing. Eventually the casino always wins and you are left with nothing. As the gambling increased, there were multiple times where I would tell myself: “If I win I am not gambling ever again” or “I just need to go one more time and I will be done”. These thoughts have always been lies, because the moment I came into more money, I was right back at the slot machine gambling, telling myself the same script.
I’ve admitted to myself and others more times than I can count that I have a problem. Even with this obvious recognition, I continued to go to the casinos and spend every dollar to my name. I’ve learned it does not matter what we say we are going to do, what matters is resisting the temptation when those feelings arise, it is the only way.
How do you do this? The answer I have found is to “play it out”. Play out the scenario in your mind as to what has always happened when you give into the temptation (the loss, the regret, the self hatred, etc) and understand in yourself that you don’t want to feel that way and suffer the consequences again.
This is not always easy, because a lot of the time you will convince yourself that you will win and it will all be okay. This too, is a lie. Find someone you trust and call them. Tell them that you are thinking of going and explain to them why you need support to keep you from a dark, destructive path.
Overcoming an addiction like gambling takes discipline, tremendous discipline. It is the recognition that it is the best for you to resist instant gratification for tonight, for a proud self tomorrow.
I have lost well over $100,000, could be closer to $200,000 over the past several years from gambling. No matter what your addiction, It is vital to take the first step acknowledging you have a problem, and talk to someone you trust to help you along your way.